oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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