finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
