How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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