Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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