final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
