wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
