someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
the raccoons are back...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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