I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I can text with my tongue
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
