It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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