You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
