He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
