I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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