it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
