I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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