tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
