they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
