i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Are we still banned from the library?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
