Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
