um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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