I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
