I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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