you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
