you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
