I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
