Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
