i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
