I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
