i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
