omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
These tits shall not be calmed
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