Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Randomize
