did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
