I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
