i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
