This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
