But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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