I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
