I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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