I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
