I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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