He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
