i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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