Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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