Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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