That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
