If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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