I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
