Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
