i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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