Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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