WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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