The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
