my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
