Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
