her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
