I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
another moral hangover. fuck.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Never underestimate the power of titties
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
